Inside Your Child’s Mind: What Anxiety Feels Like for Neurodivergent Kids

I hear my heart pounding. It’s so loud—like a drum in my ears.

The room feels too bright. The lights are sharp, almost buzzing. I can hear everything at once: the hum of the air conditioner, the distant voices, the scraping of chairs. My brain is picking up on every single sound, and I can’t turn it off.

Someone asks me a question. My brain freezes. I know I should answer, but my thoughts are scattered, racing, tangled in a mess of what ifs.

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if they laugh?

What if I don’t know the answer?

What if I do know the answer, but my words come out wrong?

What if I just run away?

The air feels too heavy, my chest too tight. My hands start fidgeting—pulling at my sleeves, tapping my fingers, anything to keep moving. Maybe if I keep moving, the panic won’t take over.

Someone says my name again. They’re waiting for me to respond. But my brain is locked, my voice stuck in my throat.

Anxiety in a neurodivergent child’s mind—overwhelming, loud, and chaotic.

Anxiety Through a Neurodivergent Lens

For neurodivergent kids, anxiety isn’t just nervousness before a test or feeling shy in a new situation. It’s a full-body experience that can feel overwhelming, paralyzing, and impossible to control.

For kids with ADHD, dyslexia, autism, or sensory processing challenges, anxiety often looks like:

🔹 Freezing when asked a question, even when they know the answer

🔹 Shutting down because the environment feels too chaotic

🔹 Becoming hyperactive as a way to release nervous energy

🔹 Avoiding tasks or social situations out of fear of failure

🔹 Exploding into frustration or anger when overwhelmed

And yet, parents and teachers often see these behaviors and think:

"Why won’t they just answer?"

"Why are they getting so upset over something so small?"

"Why can’t they just calm down?"

Because their nervous system is in overdrive—and in that moment, they can’t.

What’s Actually Happening in Their Brain?

Imagine trying to walk through a dense, foggy forest with no map.

🔹 Your senses are on high alert because you don’t know what’s ahead.

🔹 Your heart is racing because you don’t feel safe.

🔹 You’re trying to focus, but every little sound makes you jump.

🔹 Your body is ready to fight, run, or hide—even if there’s no actual danger.

That’s what happens in a neurodivergent child’s brain when anxiety kicks in. Their amygdala (the brain’s threat detector) reacts too quickly, flooding their body with stress hormones. Their prefrontal cortex (the part that helps with rational thinking) shuts down.

In short? They can’t think clearly, process language, or make decisions—because their brain is in survival mode.

How You Can Help

Parents often want to fix anxiety right away—telling their child “There’s nothing to worry about” or “Just answer the question”. But when a child’s brain is in fight-or-flight mode, logic doesn’t work. They need tools to regulate their nervous system first.

Instead of saying “Calm down, you’re fine”, try:

✔ “I can see this feels really overwhelming for you.

✔ “Your feelings are real, and I’m here to help you through them.”

This tells their brain they are safe, which is the first step to calming down.

Help Them “Exit” the Overwhelm

In my Happy Core Program I teach children different methods:

✔ Grounding Techniques:  The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding technique or a sensory reset through a weighted object, soft fabric, or simply a 20 second hug or something to squeeze can ground them in the present,

✔ Breathing Exercise: Ballon Breathing (“Let’s blow up a pretend balloon together—slow breath in, slow breath out.”) or Finger Breathing are great to calm down,

✔ Movement Break: Jumping, stretching, or even shaking out their hands can help release tension.

Teach Self-Regulation Tools

✔ The “Safe Place” Visualization: Ask them to close their eyes and imagine a place where they feel safe and happy—a beach, their bedroom, a treehouse. This trains their brain to shift focus away from anxiety.

✔ EFT Tapping: Gently tapping on specific acupressure points (like the forehead or collarbone) can help reduce stress signals.

✔ Hypnosis & Storytelling: Guided imagery helps kids reframe anxious thoughts and create positive mental associations.

Use a “Social Script” for Stressful Situations

Many kids with anxiety freeze up in social situations because they don’t know how to respond. Creating a simple script can help.

For example, if they struggle with answering in class, try:

✔ “If I don’t know what to say, I can take a deep breath and say, ‘I need a moment to think.’”

✔ “If I feel too overwhelmed to answer, I can say, ‘Can you come back to me?’”

This gives their brain a pre-planned response, reducing the stress of thinking on the spot.

Final Thoughts: You Are Your Child’s Safe Harbor

Your child isn’t being difficult on purpose. They’re struggling with a nervous system that reacts too quickly to stress and doesn’t know how to regulate itself—yet.

With the right understanding, tools, and support, they can learn to navigate anxiety, build confidence, and thrive.

And you? You are their anchor in the storm. 💙

Love always,

Kristin

The Happy Core